HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER AUTISM

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CONNOR
Posts: 66
Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2008 11:08 am

HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER AUTISM

Postby CONNOR » Mon Nov 24, 2008 12:14 am

Just wondering if anyone considered having another child after one of their
children was diagnosed autistic?
My first born son was diagnosed autistic at 2 1/2years, no need to tell you
what I've been through but still going through. My husband and I wanted to have more kids even before we found out about the diagnosis.
We are at a loss, time is ticking I am 42 years old. It is now or never.
What is your advice?

angel.

mouseker
Posts: 1004
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:22 pm

Postby mouseker » Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:33 am

We did and I was convinced it was going to be a boy I was hoping he wouldn't be autistic as well but was prepared for the possibility. Imagine my shock when my daughter was born. I was pregnant when my son was diagnosed, also a daughter. So he has two younger sisters and I have to say that they have been the best therapy for him. He is very delayed and in many ways it is like I have triplets. The older of the two girls has mild anxiety and sensory issues so is only slightly delayed like for pottying so I wound up training all of them at once and it seemed to help him some to have the example. But they play together and he learns from his little sisters examples of typical behavior. It has been amazing I am so grateful for her to be able to help her older brother just by being herself. And while have them so close together has been tough I am grateful we had her.

Janie
Posts: 750
Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:18 pm

Postby Janie » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:02 pm

We've decided not to. My health is a factor in this too, but the fear of having another special needs child is foremost in our minds. I feel like we're giving DS the best possible start in life, but if another child came into the picture, whether it had special needs or not, we'd have to cut what we're doing w/DS and possibly even split resources btwn two ASD kids.

DH and I are still holding out hope that we can somehow afford to adopt in a few years. We're in our mid 30's, so age-wise it may work out, and I just desperately want a daughter. It won't be the big family I'd hoped for, but if autism has taught me anything, it's to be flexible with my future plans.

The only advice I can offer is to really take a look at both your finances and your marriage before you make a decision. Autism is rough on both, so be sure you're in a really secure place before you decide what the next step is
Mom to one 6 yr old - HFA

mommyjen
Posts: 771
Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2007 12:40 pm

Postby mommyjen » Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:56 pm

I didn't want to have more kids, not because of Autism or fear of it, but just because I was overwhelmed at the time and tired. I am so glad we had another girl. She is wonderful and is by far our most michievious one by far. I think that I didn't really consider autism, maybe every once in awhile but nothing huge. To me children are a blessing from God even if they may have ASD. I don't have my daughter in tons of therapy or a special preschool though. She is doing great. We may eventually get her into therapy but I plan on doing homeschool with her, like my oldest daughter. Our DAN doc said the more kids we have, the better it will be for her. I have to say it is challenging for my middle daughter dealing with my youngest, but it is also wonderful seeing the times they connect :)

Mommy to:
7 yr old girl
6 yr old girl with ASD
3 yr old girl
New Baby boy
~

Grace
Posts: 3915
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 8:54 am

Postby Grace » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:24 pm

I always wanted 6 but hubby didn't. Then the diagnosis, and our olders getting diagnosed with less severe issues. Then my age--I am 42 as well.
So, here we are with 4. It's a tough decision.
~Blessed to be called Mama by many~

TNMomma
Posts: 176
Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2008 1:57 pm

Postby TNMomma » Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:14 pm

I had my daughter when my son was 6. It wasn't a matter of me worrying about having another child with TS or autism, I just wanted another child. I know it sounds horrible, but I was afraid that I would never hear my son talk (haven't to this day) and I wanted a child that could tell me they loved me. I know nothing is guarunteed, but I did get my beautiful healthy baby girl..who is now 10. I would never consider having another one at this stage (I'm 40) because of the high risk of down syndrome. My situation is a little different as my commitment to my son is likely to be lifelong...and I simply couldn't handle another special needs child. I suppose I could if God blessed me with one, but I would never TRY to have another.

I couldn't imagine my life without either of my children and there is definitely a special bond with each...and an appreciation for some strange things sometimes. Like when my daughter gets attitude and argues with me over not wanting to shower I tell my son "I am so glad you love taking baths!" :lol:
Sherri
Momma to Keith, 16, non-verbal autistic with Tuberous Sclerosis

williams_dad
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Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 6:47 am

Postby williams_dad » Tue Nov 25, 2008 1:22 am

Well we have nine children
and William is number eight
number nine - Joe has a speech delay
and apparently it is common ( according to our speechie )
for the next sibling after an autie to have a speech issue

anyway
We are at a loss, time is ticking I am 42 years old. It is now or never.
What is your advice?

ignore anyone who makes you think that over 40 is old
it's not "now or never"
I've personally met a lot of people who decided to keep having children loooong past 42
we might have had more but Williams issues just made it all too hard
BTW I'm 45 and WM is 42


WD
http://spectrumsleuth.fr.yuku.com/forums/11/General/General

Nikosmom
Posts: 556
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:11 pm

Postby Nikosmom » Tue Nov 25, 2008 1:55 am

Both my kids were on the spectrum and I went through hell recovering them, but they are the light of my life and as tough as it was I would do it all over again. That said, we want to have more kids but we are doing everything we can to ensure the following children will be as healthy as possible. I am in the process of cleaning up my body now. I am going on the Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet, not for weight (although that is a plus) but to clean up my body. I am also taking antivirals, homeopathy and vitamins now. I stopped using aluminum deoderant last year and really try to watch any sources of toxins. We plan to start trying for a baby in March. I am a firm believer that unknown viruses as well as toxins in the mother play a role in our kids having weakend immune systems that make them susceptible to vaccine injury. Finally and a given, we will choose not to vaccinate.
It really comes down to a personal choice. Some people feel that they want to really devote as much time to the child they have now, others feel a sibling will be a great addition. You just have to really listen to your heart. I don't think in any case you would ever regret a child. This is from a mother who was blessed enough to have to kids on the spectrum, who have since recovered.
Niko- Age 4.3 Recovered from ASD
Ilianna- Age 2.10 Recovered from PDD-NOS and Severe Gut problems

Bailey'sMom
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2008 11:11 am

Postby Bailey'sMom » Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:55 pm

I am also in two minds about having another baby, DS was dx with mild autism we are now seeking new specialist to confirm this, having just emigrated to Canada.

To be honest were trying for baby but since my son's recent violent tantrums/meltdowns I don't know what to do. At the moment I have completely gone off the idea! Isn't that sad?
If it were going to be easy to raise kids, it wouldn't have started with a thing called labor.

Alex's mom
Posts: 1626
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:11 pm

Postby Alex's mom » Thu Nov 27, 2008 10:09 am

I completely agree - it's a terribly difficult decision. In my case, when my ASD son was 5, I had the "now or never" feeling too (which BTW, I think is totally accurate, when you are on the "wrong" side of 35). I kept telling myself that I really want to experience what it's like to have a "normal" parenting experience, and should the child be ASD (or some other special needs, amazing how the autism experience opens up your mind to all that can go wrong in life :) )- well, we are already used to that.
My DD does not have autism, and actually has benefited immensely from her older brother (who does)- other than a few quirks that she is imitating, the developmental gap between them is less than the chronological one, so she ends up spending all her time with him, and learns a lot from him. (not exactly how I pictured things, but it's really sweet to watch). She is already more socially savvy than he is (she is 2.5), but he is still her "big brother". I do occasionally hear a complaint that Alex isn't playing with her, but by and large she worships him.
"When many cures are offered for a disease, it means the disease is not curable" -Anton Chekhov

Liz77
Posts: 833
Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2007 10:49 am

Postby Liz77 » Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:13 am

We planned on trying for a second child when S. was six months old, but I had a very difficult pregnancy and DH was still in college. Then S. didn't sleep through the night until he was over three. Then came the diagnosis of mental retardation and severe to moderate PDD. We saw a genetic counselor and based on our family histories, we had 20% chance of another kid with ASD, 50% of a kid with ADHD or dyslexia, and unofficially "Basically, any kid you have is going to have at least a speech delay....."

Now, S. is six and I'm on the wrong side of forty. The only reason we haven't had the second kid is I haven't been able to get pregnant. Even with those odds, I'd still have another kid. S. has been such a joy to me. He's perfectly happy with the dog, he calls his younger brother, but we are looking into adoption.

CONNOR
Posts: 66
Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2008 11:08 am

Postby CONNOR » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:20 am

I have a very strong feeling that I am pregnant.
I will confirm this next week.
My first was diagnosed autistic 2-1/2. He is still non verbal.
Here I am 42 and possibly pregnant. It wasn't really planned.
It is so strange, when we were trying for a baby, I had a hard time getting pregnant, and I knew exactly where I was in my cycle when I did.
So, this time, I think I got pregnant way off course in my cycle. Is this a gift from God?
I have mixed feelings about this. My strongest is that if I am, I am very happy that I can give my son a brother or sister. On the other hand, I am
a little afraid... you know why...
I will let you know sometime next week. Please pray for me that everything goes good. I am determined to keep positive thinking.

angel

Grace
Posts: 3915
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 8:54 am

Postby Grace » Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:38 pm

CONNOR wrote:It wasn't really planned.
It is so strange, when we were trying for a baby, I had a hard time getting pregnant, and I knew exactly where I was in my cycle when I did.
So, this time, I think I got pregnant way off course in my cycle. Is this a gift from God?

angel


He/she was planned. Just not by you. :wink:
((Angel)) *Every* child is created and given by God. I pray that you will soon be settled with no fears in this pregnancy.
~Blessed to be called Mama by many~

Alex's mom
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Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:11 pm

Postby Alex's mom » Sun Nov 30, 2008 5:44 pm

He/she was planned. Just not by you


That is such a wise and sweet way to put it !!!
"When many cures are offered for a disease, it means the disease is not curable" -Anton Chekhov

Dani
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Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 5:55 am

Postby Dani » Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:37 pm

We decided not to have a bio child of our own.

I'm under 40 but if I got pregnant again I suspect I would have another difficult pregnancy and labor, possibly another c-section. I'm just not up for it emotionally. There is also the fear of having another SN child. Right now we can cover all that we do for DD biomedically and therapeutically even though money is tight but another SN child would really challenge our resources and our emotions. We would have to cut back what we do for DD. It wouldn't be fair to DD to reduce those things that have been working so well for her.

We've decided to adopt a child from another country. From where we don't know but we're open to several places. I hope we can afford to do it in a few years when DD has made even more progress. I think it would be very good for her to have a sibling and for us to experience the milestones and tribulations of raising a typical child. I know there are no guarantees with adoption. Sometimes adopted children bring their own issues so I'm well aware of that but I'm hoping for the best. I have no idea of what it's like to have a child that suddenly starts speaking in sentences without speech therapy. I don't know what it's like to have a child who wants me to interact constantly with him or her. I don't know what it's like to have my child do a lot of sophisticated imaginary play. I would love to be able to experience all those things with DD and I'm sure we will in time. However, I would love to experience all those cognitive and social milestones as they naturally happen with typical kids.

Grandma C
Posts: 1371
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 9:04 am

Postby Grandma C » Wed Dec 03, 2008 12:14 pm

To those who still remember me - I forget if I told all of you that E is having a baby sister in March. E turned 6 in August and my "kids" waited in order to give him all of their love, time and RESOURCES. He is doing very well and they decided to have another child.

We are all excited and I try not to think of any possibilities.

Love,

Grandma C

sweeney
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 9:53 am

Postby sweeney » Wed Dec 03, 2008 9:38 pm

My second baby was 4 month old when my oldest was diagnosed, I inmediatly started GFCF with both my baby used a very expensive milk that was very easy on his gut, then I was very careful with vaccines (after 4 month, before that he received allot of vaccines), since then 3 years have pass and my little one is doing perfect and the best part he is a 24h hour therapist for my oldest one, they play and fight all day long.

If you ask me now if I would have a second child, I don't know, I don't think so, but I feel bless to have Andres and Juan.
Sarah O_O

TamiW
Posts: 3856
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2005 12:46 pm

Postby TamiW » Wed Dec 03, 2008 11:34 pm

So he has two younger sisters and I have to say that they have been the best therapy for him.

This has been true for my son too. I had a beautiful healthy daughter when my son was 3 years old. I feel like my daughter was absolutely the best thing we ever did for my son. Before Lindsey, Gavin used to talk to kids like a bossy adult. He didn't understand that you talk to adults much differently than you talk to other kids. When Lindsey started talking, his language got much smoother-sentences better and he began to see the differences in social interactions. It was funny that we tried to teach that but it's almost impossible. But when you stick them with other kids who do it naturally- they pick it up. My son is the typical big brother now, lots of teasing "lindsey has a boyfriend" which drives her nuts but they are close regardless. There was never even one day when I thought, "This is too much for me." Though I do remember the days when I was pregnant wondering how I could handle two kids when Gavin required so much of my time. I was also scared that I'd never love another child like I loved him. But you absolutely do. It's amazing. I can't imagine life without either.

I had my tubes tied/burned during the c-section due to my poor health at the time. Now after years of doing biomed on myself as well, I'm so much healthier, 33 and staring at every baby that I see and wishing I could have just one more. :lol:

Good luck! And no matter what you decide, it will work out!

Quote:
He/she was planned. Just not by you



That is such a wise and sweet way to put it !!!

I think so too!
Tami

Alex's mom
Posts: 1626
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:11 pm

Postby Alex's mom » Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:45 am

Wow ! Grandma C ! I am so excited for you !!! Little girls are so much fun (and so easy to shop for :) !). I bet Evan will be a great big brother.
"When many cures are offered for a disease, it means the disease is not curable" -Anton Chekhov

Grandma C
Posts: 1371
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 9:04 am

Postby Grandma C » Sat Dec 06, 2008 12:27 pm

Thanks, Alex's Mom...I remember when your daughter was born about the same time as my younger granddaughter. She is now 2 l/2 and my older granddaughter is now a teenager...sweet as ever so far. Evan and his cousin are both six...where does the time go?? Evan is doing very well and when I come on here, I always follow how Alex is doing. Best wishes to you & him!

Evan will be the best big brother in the world! He can't wait and loves her already. He loves all babies now and has already picked the name for his sister.


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