Neighbor w/ special needs son - driving me crazy

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Al in SoCal
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2015 3:54 pm

Neighbor w/ special needs son - driving me crazy

Postby Al in SoCal » Sat Apr 11, 2015 4:07 pm

Hi,

I'm guessing my neighbor's son is Autistic, though I'm not 100% sure. We've been back-to-back neighbors for some 6 to 7 years. I live in a 2 story townhouse they live in an apartment in the back w/ a nice fenced in yard.

They are a basic nuclear family - husband / wife and 2 children a boy around 9 or 10 now (guestimate) and a girl around 3 or 4. That said, the boy has always been loud, but over the past 2 years it's gone from bad to much much worse. The stay-at-home mom puts him and his sister outside and then goes back in her apartment (w/ the door open) and let's them play. Fine - that's totally fine. That said - he simply runs and screams - really I am not exaggerating - screams at the top of his lungs twice daily - in the morning and in the early evening for about 90 minutes each - so about 3 hours daily.

The boy constantly beats his sister - she's constantly crying because he did something to her, he bashes anything he can get his hands on, and if anything is told to him he instantly starts sobbing. The wife weakly tries to say things to him, but he just basically ignores what she has to say - there are rarely consequences to his actions and THIS is why I am writing here.

I know they are loving parents, and I can't imagine what it's like to have to deal w/ a family member like this. Having said that, I think I they need help - help understanding how to handle him without it turning into something ugly - which it usually does. I did call the police on them once, 3 years ago because he had apparently soiled himself and she wouldn't let him back in the house and he was sobbing for about 30 minutes before I called. I don't know what the end result of that was ....

If you're saying to yourself this is none of my business - unfortunately through the years of playing w/o attentive supervision I think makes it somewhat my business as I can't enjoy a peaceful evening drink on my patio due to his playing. Also - there is a park / playground about 500 feet away from them.

My worry is for the daughter and I think the son will eventually end up not being able to function in society if things continue on their path w/o any intervention. Any info is appreciated.

TandKIE
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2015 4:42 pm

Re: Neighbor w/ special needs son - driving me crazy

Postby TandKIE » Tue Apr 14, 2015 9:18 am

I guess my first thoughts are:

1) If there's clear abuse, call about it. No matter what might or might not be wrong or right with the kids, if there's actual abuse, call.

2) Get to know them. Maybe there are special needs. Maybe not. Maybe Mom is completely wiped out and/or has no clue how to get help. Just a listening ear might be what she needs to get to the resources that are out there. Don't turn into the "you need to do...", "you should do...", "you should never do..." type, or judgemental, but just someone to listen to her, chat with her, and you might find that not only does she get help she needs for her family but you might find a friend in her as well. There are so many resources out there but most of us aren't told about them from medical professionals and therapists. We wouldn't have half of what we do if it weren't for me staying up late at night on the internet researching. It is often a void in the Autism world.

3) If there is no abuse and getting to know them isn't something you want to do or can do, I hate to say it but you are kind of stuck. We used to live in a communal situation that apartment/townhouse living brings and you have to put up with a lot that you don't in more private types of situations. I could tell you stories of our neighbor at our town home before we had kids, oh my!

Al in SoCal
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2015 3:54 pm

Re: Neighbor w/ special needs son - driving me crazy

Postby Al in SoCal » Tue Apr 14, 2015 3:33 pm

Actually - I think I can say that there's no abuse. I like your ideas. Was thinking of something anonymous - like a note w/ assorted documentation, support groups, etc.

This is a start - I'll go w/ that. =)

riika
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 2:11 pm

Re: Neighbor w/ special needs son - driving me crazy

Postby riika » Sat May 23, 2015 2:34 pm

I´d also say that try to get to know them. Chatting with neighbours is always a good idea. It also makes you feel more safe when you know your neighbours (in my opinion) :) . When you know each other, it is also much easier to ask how they are doing and even that if they have thought about how much noise the kids make in the back yard. Maybe the children are so noisy all the time that the parents don´t even come to think about it any more.
Good luck!


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