Dating a Parent of an child with autism.

Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.

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AJdavis
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:28 am

Dating a Parent of an child with autism.

Postby AJdavis » Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:41 am

I have recently become interested in a woman who is the mother of a severely autistic boy. I went to school with this girl 20 years ago and we were friends and now life has brought us together again and there is a definite spark between us. I have been around a child with mild autism before and know many of the challenges that she is faced with.

Seeing how she deals with him and her other children makes her just that much more beautiful to me. It's very endearing to see how she handles everything life throws at her and she keeps a positive attitude the majority of the time. She is truely beautiful inside and out.

I also have children from a previous marriage, I have 2 daughters about the same age as her son. I am sure that i have plenty of time before our children meet but i have no idea how to explain or prepare my girls to meet and interact with her son. My girls are 8 and 9, her son is 10.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Santosg
Posts: 192
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 5:33 am

Re: Dating a Parent of an child with autism.

Postby Santosg » Sat Apr 25, 2015 4:28 pm

Hi AJ,

I think that when your children meet the most important point is to convey to them that his autism can often mask other capabilities. People with severe autism have significant problems communicating and often display behavior that seems completely bizarre or inappropriate. They can and often are, however, aware of the world around them and have complex thought. There are ways to bridge that divide, but above all, it is imperative that others recognize their abilities not not just their handicaps. There are two videos I think you should show your daughters. The first is The Miracle Worker. It is the story of Helen Keller. There are two versions, but given their ages, they'll probably like the latest 'Disney' version. The second is a video on a girl (news report) with severe autism who was able to show the world just how much she knew, wanted, and desired from the world once she had a way to communicate through a computer. Both videos can be found on youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L64TarzNrgI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMBzJleeOno

In a related note, I think it is worth helping your girlfriend search for biomedical supports and interventions to help her son. She might not have really pursued these alternatives. I'd encourage her to go to a DAN doctor and be proactive in helping her son. I realize that it is early in your relationship and not your place, but she probably just got the standard line from doctors that there is nothing that can be done to help her son. This is completely wrong.

mphartman
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2016 5:03 am

Re: Dating a Parent of an child with autism.

Postby mphartman » Thu Mar 17, 2016 5:29 am

I just went on a first date with a man I like very much. He has full custody of his two young girls and his severely autistic 15 yr old son. I'm excited about this man because we have so much in common but I am worried about the complications. See I am also bipolar. At times I lack patience, can't stick to a schedule or routine, and can be a bit overwhelming when I'm manic (talking too much, too much energy, etc). I know my disorder is hard enough on the people around me at times, I worry about how I may negatively affect his son.

I've started to read up on Autism, but there's little that covers how a bipolar and Autistic person affect each other. My concern is what I should & shouldn't do when then time comes to meet him. I would never want to hurt him or cause him discomfort by being around.

I should also mention that the children's mother just abandoned them within the last year. She moved away and gave up custody. I would like to meet him sooner rather than later to see if I can handle the situation but don't know if that is what would be best for him.

Looking for all the advice and insight I can get. Thanks!!

~ Melissia

Santosg
Posts: 192
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 5:33 am

Re: Dating a Parent of an child with autism.

Postby Santosg » Thu Mar 17, 2016 11:00 pm

Outside of the question of autism, I'd simply say that you're 'going to fast.' Before you can consider having a relationship with his children, before you can really balance issues related to autism or being bipolar, you've got to simply get to know each other. Don't rush things. Trying to figure out of you can handle a relationship with someone who has an autistic child is an important issue, but it only becomes important when you're actually sure you want a relationship with the individual. At the very least, something well past the first date.

Just try to enjoy each other as people. No pressure, no expectations.

Once you figure out what you want out of life, you'll be able to automatically generate the answers to the questions of your life. So, I only really recommend that you get a sense of what you truly want from a partner and see if this guy matches up.

If everything goes well and you see him as someone that might be really worth your time, see how his son is doing. For instance, if he's violent or gentle. Take baby steps from there.


Then again, I'm divorced, so take my suggestions with a grain of salt :lol: .

Lord_Raptorclaw
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 3:15 pm

Re: Dating a Parent of an child with autism.

Postby Lord_Raptorclaw » Mon Mar 21, 2016 3:32 pm

I agree with Santosg.

You simply have not given enough information about the nature of the relationship for proper advice to be given. You say you are interested in her, which implies you have not moved on these feelings. But you start with "Dating". But then you talk about introducing the kids to each other.

See? Conflicting information. I do not mean to pry.

nfgatorgal
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2016 9:51 am

Re: Dating a Parent of an child with autism.

Postby nfgatorgal » Sat Oct 22, 2016 9:57 am

mphartman wrote:I just went on a first date with a man I like very much. He has full custody of his two young girls and his severely autistic 15 yr old son. I'm excited about this man because we have so much in common but I am worried about the complications. See I am also bipolar. At times I lack patience, can't stick to a schedule or routine, and can be a bit overwhelming when I'm manic (talking too much, too much energy, etc). I know my disorder is hard enough on the people around me at times, I worry about how I may negatively affect his son.

I've started to read up on Autism, but there's little that covers how a bipolar and Autistic person affect each other. My concern is what I should & shouldn't do when then time comes to meet him. I would never want to hurt him or cause him discomfort by being around.

I should also mention that the children's mother just abandoned them within the last year. She moved away and gave up custody. I would like to meet him sooner rather than later to see if I can handle the situation but don't know if that is what would be best for him.

Looking for all the advice and insight I can get. Thanks!!

~ Melissia


Melissa--
I think you and I may be in a very unique situation because you are the first person I have read about who is like me in the way that we are dating someone with an autistic child and the mother is voluntarily not in the picture-- not to mention, I have struggles with anxiety and depression so the mental health is also a concern with how his son and I affect each other. I would love to talk to you about our experiences since I feel like no one else understands it. Please let me know and we can support each other! Hope everything is well with you.


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