Hi,i am new

Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.

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Mihael
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2015 1:19 pm

Hi,i am new

Postby Mihael » Sun Jul 19, 2015 2:05 pm

Hi i am new here.I am 20 years old,and i am not a parent,but a person with Autistic disorder.I am verbal and have above average IQ. But my symptoms are becoming worse lately,and i guess that's partly why i'm here.I have social issues,problems with agressive thoughts,i don't understand sarcasm,something that became more obvious as i got older,i tend to walk around in circles for very long time,usually inside my house,i rarely get outside anyway.I have strange movements with my hands,i twirl my fingers and simillar stuff,and it's worse then when i was younger (I was diagnosed when i was 2,i didn't talk until i was about 3).However i guess i'm lucky in a way that i have high IQ cause my autistic cousin and uncle don't (uncle is mentally retarded,went to a special school,cousin has under average IQ,but ,like I did,goes to a normal school). Although, i have epilepsy (read that about 1 in 5 autistic persons have that),and thankfully my cousin and uncle don't (neither does my brother who is neurotypical).The thing with me is,i tend to fall in deep depression,but i can function normally when that is under control,i don't have problems with eye contact (never had) and i can have normal conversations.I wish though i could make friendships,cause i never could do that,and i was bullied in both elementary and high school (i also attempted suicide few times,recently got out of coma).Anyway,i am looking for a place where i can fit in,and i hope that i didn't bore anyone with my problems.I also hope to help others and perhaps even offer few advices,cause i figured,who can better understand others with ASD,than someone with the diagnosis....So i'm glad to find a place like this,hope my post isn't too long.Bye :)

Santosg
Posts: 196
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 5:33 am

Re: Hi,i am new

Postby Santosg » Sun Jul 19, 2015 9:36 pm

Hi Mihael,

I think that a lot of the symptoms that you are currently experiencing are related to your age more than autism. You are now a young adult and that is a confusing time for any guy. Most 20 year old have a lot of the same social anxieties and worries that you do. So did I. It is absolutely normal. The issue is how you actually go about managing those problems. Many people make mistakes because they are too caught up with the things they don't have in their life at that particular time---a girlfriend, money, etc--and don't focus on what they actually want to do with their life.

The best recommendation that I can make for you is to figure out what really motivates you. What makes you happy. What is the activity that you just love to do. Once you know what it is, try to figure out a way to make a career out of it. Way too many people try to be very practical about careers. If you are very dedicated to what you do and love doing it you'll beat out the competition. No question about it.

If you have something that you are able to really invest your time and energy in, grow with, and find success--however small they might be in the beginning--this is going to give you greater confidence and self belief in your life.

The best friendships come from people who are also motivated and driven in a common set of pursuits. Once you figure out what you care about, you will start entering a world where those friendships become more natural. You want to have real friends and not just people to 'pass the time with.' After all, from now on your time is valuable: you have a sense of where you are going and what you want to do with your life.

I highly recommend that you start going to the gym and lifting. Weight living is a great activity for guys. It will make you feel better, look better, give you greater strength and confidence. You can also do an at home program like Body Beast by Beach Body. It is a very good home weight lifting series. But I urge you to take this seriously. You will be surprised how quickly your own self image can change when you start dedicating yourself to self improvement. Don't dismiss it or say 'I'm not that kind of guy.' You decide who you are, what your value is, and what you're doing with your life. Period. End of discussion.

The reason that you are walking around in your house in circles is because you're not keeping yourself busy enough. If you've got that amount of time on your hands, get a part time job. Save some money. Take a class---in anything that you might be curious about. But you'll never talk yourself out of these patterns, per se, you have to actually do something different.

Lastly, in terms of relationships, the quality of a relationship you can have with someone is connected with your own emotional development. Getting married at your age--or near your age--is probably the worst idea in the world. You are way to young. If you were to get married tomorrow it would probably be for the wrong reasons anyway. My cousin is a very nice guy but shy. Sweet. Too nice for his own good. He got a lot of benefit from attending one of those 'pick up artist' seminars where they take guys to clubs and teach them to talk to girls. It just took him a little practice and he got good at it. He would walk up to a girl and don't worry if she gave him her number or just ignored him. It is the name of the game. Don't take rejection personally, don't be afraid to hear no. It is a numbers game.

Avoid spending too much time online trying to form real relationships. The online world is not the real world and people use it as a way to hide from the real world. You've got to go out in the real world and just begin chatting people up.

But if you are doing well in life, advancing towards your goals, and focused on your own self development you'll naturally start getting girls attention. It might seem impossible to believe at the moment but it is the truth.

In terms of sarcasm, there are a few books on the nature of humor. You can find them on amazon or online with a bit of searching. Break down humor into its respective parts. Instead of trying to figure out what other people are saying that is sarcastic, first figure out what constitutes sarcasm and how it is appropriately used. Then start trying to make sarcastic remarks yourself. If you are able to make your own sarcastic comments--within reason and don't offend people--you'll be able to figure out when other people are doing it.

All of this take a bit of practice and dedication, but you're very young. This is the perfect time to begin.

All young people think that life is very complicated. They are wrong. Life is very, very simple. It is only in our own insecurities and confusions that we unnecessarily complicate our own lives.

I'm now in my early 30s, a father to 4 kids, and divorced. My life might seem very complicated and messy, but it is not. Only 3 things matter to me at all: 1) My children 2) My career, 3) My hobbies. Those are the only three things that I consistently worry about. Everything else is just white noise.

Don't spend any more time worrying. Social anxiety is common and understandable, but why surrender your happiness to what strangers think about you. Spend all your time focused on figuring out what makes you happy. Staying in your apartment does not make you happy. So don't do it. We are all determined by our choices. Make the best choices for your life. The best way is to chose those things that you like, that fulfill you, and that help you fulfill your potential.


P.S. DON'T FORGET TO START LIFTING WEIGHTS!

Winnie
Posts: 4227
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:48 pm

Re: Hi,i am new

Postby Winnie » Mon Jul 20, 2015 12:53 am

Hi Mihael, welcome to the forum.

I am following this thread to learn from you and the advice given, as I have a son who is a little younger than you are.

I was wondering though -- do you have access to some ongoing counseling and treatment for the depression you mentioned?
Winnie
"Make it a powerful memory, the happiest you can remember."

Mihael
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2015 1:19 pm

Re: Hi,i am new

Postby Mihael » Mon Jul 20, 2015 6:02 pm

Hey Winnie. Thanks,i think i will like it here.

I'm visiting a new shrink in Friday to deal with my issues.
I used to go to other psychiatrists for my depression but it never helped,they'd just put me on medication,and they almost never worked.When i was a teen i went to support groups for teenagers with issues such as Aspergers,depression,ADD,Social anxiety,emotional disorders and school issues (bullying,bad grades etc) .At first i hated the groups cause i was scared to talk but later i started socializing more.The problem was,though,many of the kids there did drugs and were problematic and when i was there i first learned what self-harming was and i started doing that myself,cause all of them were saying it was helping them with their negative emotions.Anyway,the groups had their negative toll on me BUT they also had a positive one.I felt like i wasn't alone.Like there was always place after school i could go to.Kids that would understand me,even though they were sometimes bad influence.But when i turned 18 and half,i wasn't allowed to go there anymore since it was only for those up to age of 18...Now i find peace by myself,i enjoy music,series,movies,books and puzzles like sudoku.

Santosg-sorry to tell you,but it isn't really like that.I don't care i don't have a girlfriend.I don't want a relationship.Friends-i could use them,and i want them,but i am too scared to talk to other guys cause i remember going to playground last year and other guys my age made fun of me.After about a month i just gave up,i couldn't take it no more.Plus it's annoying,it always feels like acting,like i can't be myself when talking to others,and my thoughts are horrible.I have agressive thoughts cause i have some traumas from before and i sometimes can be rude.I'm awful,who would want to be around me? Also,i tend to lure to my own world,with my own thoughts and sometimes i even forget where i am,or i just start smiling or making weird faces,and then everybody knows i'm not mentally present.On one way,you are right,i am not that different from guys my age (although i'm more like a teenager still) and many of these problems are normal,but i used to have the ability to hide my problems from others,they just thought 'i was a lil bit different and withdrawn' but now my autistic tendencies can't be hidden anymore.Even when i think i have them under control others tell me ' i'm again in my own world' or 'that i make strange faces' or that 'i am being eccentric,compulsive or agressive'. Don't know what to do,my parents threatened to have me institutionalized,cause i am dangerous to myself and have hard time functioning in society.

Santosg
Posts: 196
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 5:33 am

Re: Hi,i am new

Postby Santosg » Wed Jul 22, 2015 8:40 am

Mihael,

I don't think that you understood my message to you at all. First, 'giving up' on something makes no sense. You've got one life and your primary goal should be to enjoy it. That's why I asked you to figure out what you wanted in your life. To identify what makes you happy and what you might want to dedicate your life to. If you get that in place the rest of the pieces will fall into place.

You can deny that you want a girlfriend. Of course, that's completely silly. You do. Everyone does at that age. You've got anger because you have certain desires and wishes but are frustrated and believe you can't obtain them. But the power is within your own hands. It absolutely is, even if you want to blame the rest of the world and surrender your own independence. You are at an age where you have the freedom to define the life you want to live. So, I highly recommend that you make that your primary focus.

You might complain that society is fake and that's true in a sense. But let's be fair about it. If a girl came up to you and asked you to pay her bills you'd think it was odd and you'd feel you were being used. If you approach people ask expect everyone to be lovely and welcoming--when you're a perfect stranger--that would not make much sense either. You have be build your own life, discover your own self worth, and through this, everything else will unfold. Don't get stuck in anger and frustration--these are all forms of self harm, whether you see it at the moment or not. But that means deciding to really take responsibility for your life also.

Best of luck.

Winnie
Posts: 4227
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:48 pm

Re: Hi,i am new

Postby Winnie » Thu Jul 23, 2015 1:25 am

Mihael -- how did the visit to the doctor on Friday go?
Winnie
"Make it a powerful memory, the happiest you can remember."


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